Reverend Boudreaux was the part-time pastor of the local Cajun Baptist Church, and Pastor Thibodaux was the minister of the Covenant Church across the road.  

They were both standing by the road, pounding a sign into the ground that read:

Da End is Near
Turn Yo Sef ‘Roun Now
Afore It Be Too Late!

As a car sped past them, the driver leaned out his window and yelled, “You religious nuts!”

From the curve they heard screeching tires, and a big splash…

Boudreaux turns to Thib and asks,

“Do ya tink maybe da sign should jussay………Bridge Out?”

A.A.A.D.D..

KNOW THE SYMPTOMS!

Thank goodness there’s a name for this disorder.

Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder.

This is how it manifests:

I decide to water my garden.

As I turn on the hose in the driveway,

I look over at my car and decide it needs washing.   

As I start toward the garage,

I notice mail on the porch table that

I brought up from the mail box earlier.

I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car.

I lay my car keys on the table,

put the junk mail in the garbage can under the table,

and notice that the can is full.

So, I decide to put the bills

back

on the table and take out the garbage first..

But then I think,

since I’m going to be near the mailbox

when I take out the garbage anyway,

I may as well pay the bills first.

I take my check book off the table,

and see that there is only one check left.

My extra checks are in my desk in the study,

so I go inside the house to my desk where

I find the

can of Pepsi I’d been drinking.

I’m going to look for my checks,

but first I need to push the   Pepsi  aside

so that I don’t accidentally knock it over.

The Pepsi is getting warm,

and I decide to put it in the refrigerator to keep it cold.

As I head toward the kitchen with the Pepsi,

a vase of flowers on the counter

catches my eye–they need water.

I put the Pepsi on the counter and

discover my reading glasses that

I’ve been searching for all morning.

I decide I better put them back on my desk,

but first I’m going to water the flowers.

I set the glasses back down on the counter,

fill a container with water and suddenly spot the TV remote.

Someone left it on the kitchen table.

I realize that tonight when we go to watch TV,

I’ll be looking for

the remote,

but I won’t remember that it’s on the kitchen table,

so I decide to put it back in the den where it belongs,

but first I’ll   water the flowers.

I pour some water in the flowers,

but quite a bit of it spills on the floor.

So, I set the remote back on the table,

get some towels and wipe up the spill.

Then, I head down the hall trying to

remember what I was planning to do.

At the end of the day:

the car isn’t washed

the bills aren’t paid

there is a warm can of

Pepsi sitting on the counter

the flowers don’t have enough water,

there is still only 1 check in my check book,

I can’t find the remote,

I can’t find my glasses,

and I don’t remember what I did with the car keys.

Then, when I try to figure out why nothing got done today,

I’m really baffled because I know I was busy all day,

and I’m really tired.

I realize this is a serious problem,

and I’ll try to get some help for it,

but first I’ll check my e-mail….

Do me a favor.

Forward this message to everyone you know,

because I don’t remember

who the heck I’ve sent it to.

Don’t laugh — if this isn’t you yet, your day is coming!!

Dog Gone   (Click to view this video)

The woodpecker may have to go!

A man went into a pet shop and told the owner that he wanted to buy a pet. But, he didn’t want your ordinary, garden variety pet! No, he wanted a pet that could do everything!

The shop owner suggested a faithful dog.

The man replied, “Come on, a dog?”

The owner said, “How about a cat?”

The man replied, “No way! A cat certainly can’t do everything. I want a pet that can do everything!”

The shop owner thought for a minute, then said, “I’ve got it! A centipede!”

The man said, “A centipede? I can’t imagine a centipede doing everything, but okay… I’ll try a centipede.” So he got the centipede home and said to the centipede, “Clean the kitchen.”

Thirty minutes later, he walked into the kitchen and… it was immaculate! All the dishes and silverware were washed, dried, and put away; the counter-tops cleaned; the appliances sparkling; the floor waxed. He was absolutely amazed.

He then said to the centipede, “Go clean the living room.” Twenty minutes later, he walked into the living room. The carpet has been vacuumed; the furniture cleaned and dusted; the pillows on the sofa plumped; and the plants watered.

The man thought to himself, “This is the most amazing thing I’ve ever seen. This really is a pet that can do everything!”

Next he says to the centipede, “Run down to the corner and get me a newspaper.”

The centipede walks out the door. 10 minutes later… no centipede. 20 minutes later… no centipede. 30 minutes later… no centipede.

By this point the man was wondering what was going on. The centipede should have been back in a couple of minutes.

45 minutes later… still no centipede! He couldn’t imagine what had happened. Did the centipede run away? Did it get run over by a car? Where was that centipede?

So he went to the front door, opened it … and there was the centipede sitting right outside.

The man said, “Hey!!! I sent you down to the corner store 45 minutes ago to get me a newspaper. What happened?!”

The centipede says, “I’m goin’! I’m goin’! I’m just puttin’ on my shoes!”

http://jokes.christiansunite.com/Animals/The_Amazing_Pet.shtml

A Rare Book

collector of rare books ran into an acquaintance who told him he had just thrown away an old bible that he found in a dusty, old box. He happened to mention that Guten-somebody-or-other had printed it.

“Not Gutenberg?” gasped the collector.

“Yes, that was it!”

“You idiot! You’ve thrown away one of the first books ever printed. A copy recently sold at auction for half a million dollars!”

“Oh, I don’t think this book would have been worth anything close to that much,” replied the man. “It was scribbled all over in the margins by some guy named Martin Luther.”

Shot my first turkey yesterday. Scared everyone in the frozen food section… It was awesome !!!

At New York’s Kennedy airport today an individual, later discovered to be a public school teacher, was arrested trying to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a square, a slide rule, and a calculator.

The Attorney General believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-gebra movement. He is being charged with carrying weapons of math instruction.

“Al-gebra is a very fearsome cult, indeed”, the Attorney General said. “They desire average solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on a tangent in a search of absolute value. They consist of quite shadowy figures, with names like “x” and “y”, and, although they are frequently referred to as “unknowns”, we know they really belong to a common denominator and are part of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country.

“As the great Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, there are three sides to every triangle.” When asked to comment on the arrest, President Bush said, “If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, He would have given us more fingers and toes.”

http://www.jokesclean.com/

A wealthy man decided to go on a safari in Africa. He took his faithful pet dachshund along for company. One day, the dachshund starts chasing butterflies and before long the dachshund discovers that he is lost.

So, wandering about, he notices a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the obvious intention of having him for lunch. The dachshund thinks, “OK, I’m in deep trouble now!” Then he noticed some bones on the ground close by, and immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the leopard is about to leap, the dachshund exclaims loudly, “Boy, that was one delicious leopard. I wonder if there are any more around here.” Hearing this, the leopard halts his attack in mid-stride, as a look of terror comes over him, and slinks away into the trees. “Whew,” says the leopard. “That was close. That dachshund nearly had me.” Meanwhile, a monkey, who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. So, off he goes.

But the dachshund saw him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figured that something must be up.

The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard. The leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, “Here monkey, hop on my back and see what’s going to happen to that conniving canine.” Now the dachshund sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back, and thinks, “What am I going to do now?” But instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn’t seen them yet … and, just when they get close enough to hear, the dachshund says………………

“Where’s that darn monkey? Sent him off half an hour ago to bring me another leopard.”

http://www.jokesclean.com/